1/30/23: I Didn't Want to Write This

What do you write about when you don't want to write?

Dear Reader,

Would you believe me if I told you that I didn't want to write this blog post?

Or better yet,

Would you believe me if I told you that I didn't want to write anything for at least the last two weeks?

Believe it or not, but this is 100% true.

Part of me blames my horoscope. For fear of being shamed, I will not share my sign (that will be the only hint you get). However, for the last few months, I have been regularly checking my horoscope for fun, to give myself a mental check-in with how I perceive my day is going versus how the universe thinks my day is going. And for the last two or three weeks, it has been consistently telling me that I have been troubled in the realm of "thinking and creativity."

Woof.

Of course, with this existential crisis waging war in my head thanks to the positioning of a few dozen stars in the sky, came a dreaded question:

"Well, if you don't feel like writing, or can't because you're stuck, what do you do?"

Thank you so much for asking, dear imaginary reader that lives on this page and in my head. That is the topic of today's blog post. But before I get to answering said conundrum, allow me to make a quick detour down into the realm of memory.

When I was first starting out on my poetry writing journey, I was in high school. Now I know what you're thinking, and I want to address it before it gets too distracting: Yes, a certain level of embarrassment rises within me whenever I talk about my high school poems. Like many of us, I kept many of my dark secrets and magic spells in a composition notebook which was filled with the scribblings of a madperson. And I want to make something very clear, especially if you were ever this person or are this person now: Good. I hope you keep scribbling.

Because without that inspiration or those scribblings, I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today. But more on that idea later.

In high school, I was one of the few people who enjoyed the poetry sections in English class. I found an intense sense of joy and fulfillment in analyzing the likes of Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, John Donne, and Shakespeare, to name a few.

To me, their poetry was like a foreign language, a puzzle that was worth solving, and in talking about those writers, I grew a sense of wonder and amazement at what they could do to language. To them, language was putty, simple parts, a stack of glue sticks, that could be constructed in a way to create palaces and monuments. And it amazed me.

Because of this admiration for poetry, I found myself gravitating towards a newly formed club on campus that recited poetry in front of others. The club was called Spoken Word.

The premise of Spoken Word is simple: You write a poem, then perform it in front of others. However, there was a problem: I didn't know the first thing about writing poetry. Just because I liked to read it and talk about it didn't mean I knew how to write it, so where would I even begin?

My club had a solution.

When we first started out, we would rehearse and recite poems written by other poets. I thought this idea was incredible. I didn't have to share my own words? Sign me up.

The first poem that I ever recited is still one of my favorites. It's called, "Love Poem Medley" by Rudy Francisco.

In "Love Poem Medley," Rudy Francisco's speaker describes the implausible, undefinable beauty that comes from writing love poems. His subject is nobody you've ever met, and yet still someone you swear you know already. It is a vulnerable, soft, tender poem about what lengths a person would go to describe the love they feel for someone else. And it's utterly beautiful. One of my personal favorite lines talks about how falling in love is like riding a bike:

With Rudy Francisco's words coming out of my mouth, I slowly began to discover a language of my own. How he wrote his poems began to inform how I would eventually write mine, and one day, I felt brave enough to write and share some of my own writing. To this day, Rudy Francisco is still one of my favorite poets. If you like this one, you should check out his website here.

But JC, you're saying, what if you sit down and open your book, pen in hand, and still, nothing comes?

Thank you again for asking, dear reader. This is one of my favorite questions to answer because the answer is so simple:

Keep writing anyway.

It took a long time to finally start writing my own poems, and for multiple reasons. I was scared to be vulnerable and even more scared to share that vulnerability with others. I was plagued with thoughts that my writing wasn't good enough. And on the worst days, even when I managed to sit down at my desk and open my notebook, I was struck dumb and nothing came out.

It wasn't until a teacher talked to me about my writing process that my perspective changed. To this day, I still remember what he told me. He told me to keep writing anyway. Make it a habit. Write on the days when you feel inspired, and especially on the days when you don't. You'll be thankful you did.

And when I asked him why, he told me that if you write and write often, one day, you'll be able to look back and marvel at how far you've come. And most of it will be bad, he said, and that's alright. But every now and again, you might come across something brilliant. And you deserve to have those moments of brilliance. However, you can never have them if you never write in the first place.

This brings me back to a previous point, where I mentioned that I wouldn't be where I am today without the scribblings I started in high school. I truly believe this. I think that so often, we are so focused on looking at the mountain in front of us, the one that we're climbing, that we fail to look around and see all the smaller mountains we've passed to get there.

So what do you do when you can't find the motivation to write something? Do something that makes you happy or something that inspires you. Go on a walk, light a candle, watch one of your favorite movies, or read one of your favorite books. There's a lot you can be inspired by. Find a new favorite poet or a new favorite song.

But regardless of what you do, please do yourself a favor and write afterward. I promise it'll be worth it.

Did I want to write this blog post, dear reader?

No,

But I am still glad that I did.

-JC